Houseguests more of a nuisance than a holiday joy

House guests. These last minute stragglers who refuse to leave your house even though you might have hinted, not once but a couple of times, that it is time to say good bye. They are like a flu virus, tenacious to the core.

 I do not understand their complete obliviousness. The fact that they are the only guests in the house doesn’t really seem to bother them, which in turn bothers me. I feel as if relatives and distantly related cousins, who I have never been close with and definitely do not want to spend my holidays with, are supposed to be exactly that, distant.

Then why come live with us? I feel as if there is a ritual that all distant relatives must follow. This ritual of calling each other occasionally asking how are you, pretending to care while they listen to answers and showing sorrow when we hear of the death of an old grandmother that you never saw and then hang up. Let me tell you why I find them so annoying and what my grievances from them are.

Dear House guest,

Once you get settled, you feel comfortable with encroaching other rooms. The first day your toothbrush appears in my glass, I look away. Then, your socks and clothes miraculously appear in my room and I flinch, but still look away. What I cannot, however abide by, is you sitting in my room for hours with your laptop, with your things strewn everywhere and worst of all: food.

If I do not even give myself the pleasure of getting food in my room then why in the world do you think it is allowed? And when you start talking and completely ignore the fact that I have about a million things to concentrate on and listening to your pathetic rants should be the last of my worries but you force me to make them my priority. Now that just infuriates me. Why do you not correctly interpret my pained expressions?

It is not that I do not know that you are family and that deep, deep down inside we must care for each other, but I abide by this philosophy of love growing through permanent separation. Or at least the love I want from you should definitely be felt from a distance.

I believe its toxicity could kill me with its closeness. So I beg of you, please do not consider this your house because it is not, please do not come into my room without permission and do not even think about bringing a crumb of food in. And most importantly, have the decency to leave within at least a week of your arrival because any more exposure to you and I will be ready to commit truly horrible crimes.


 Your Host