‘I couldn’t hide it any longer’: LGBTQ+ students discuss their pasts and coming to terms with their sexuality

timothy hutchinson

I had known about my sexuality since fifth grade. For the rest of elementary and middle school I had passed it on as a phase and ignored it. I had never really understood the idea of sexuality until I had watched GLEE. There was nobody I knew who was queer, and GLEE was the first time I had ‘seen’ them. I always resonated with characters like Kurt and Blaine but I was never really sure why. I knew that they were gay, but I pushed that aside as why I’d be intrigued by them.
Eventually, in sixth grade, I had heard rumors were being spread about me by a couple boys in my grade. It definitely sucked, especially since I hadn’t told anyone about anything, and I felt like I had to act a certain way to avoid things like that. During middle school it only got worse, but I had
eventually came to terms with how I felt. It was still a long time until I officially came out, and it took six years. I’ve read a lot about how being ‘closeted’ impacts someone’s mental health, and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t impact me. When I was younger I was much more carefree and relaxed, but that whole experience changed my life, and I couldn’t find many people I knew I could trust. I told a few people early in high school, ironically, none of my close friends. I remember [one] year I had a teacher, and when he had mentioned he was gay I was shocked; I’d never met anyone queer in person.
Marshall is not the perfect place. You hear words screamed in the hallway from one friend to another, or you see something written on the walls of bathrooms. But fall of my junior year I had gotten tired of it, of rumors spread about me, of my constant anxiety. New Years was coming around and I wanted a resolution, one that was actually meaningful. It was an
impulse decision, and I typed an open letter, posting it on
Instagram. I got like 100 comments and dozens of texts or snaps from all my friends in support. Life is so different now. I’m never afraid to be who I am, I have an incredible
boyfriend and I’m treated just like everyone else. I actually found that the second I came out, people stopped saying snarky things about my sexuality. I’d like to think they were scared or something, that I knew I was stronger or couldn’t care less about what they had to say. But life, life is pretty good, and I’m thankful to Marshall and my community for it.

joy gu

I came out as bisexual for the first time in February of 2017
underneath a tree in my neighbor’s yard, to my best friend. Discovering such an intimate part of myself that I’d never thought about before wasn’t scary, but the actual act of coming out was utterly terrifying. Before the end of seventh grade I had never really thought about my sexuality. No one had ever told me that being something other than straight was an option, so I just
assumed I would marry a boy at some point and that would be that. I also never had any reason to think otherwise given that all of my crushes up until that point were on boys. My first
introduction into the possibility of being not straight came when I was watching ‘Arrow’ after school instead of doing my
homework. I was halfway through season two and I watched as Sara Lance and Nyssa Al-Ghul kissed on screen. I didn’t think much of it at the time, but I ended up re-watching that scene on YouTube. Of course, my dumb thirteen-year-old brain didn’t connect the dots so I pushed away those thoughts and continued on with my life. And as summer ended and school came around again, my friend quietly confessed that she was bisexual and what that meant. That night, the only thing running through my mind was, “am I bisexual?” After that, I turned to the internet. I did as much research as I could on all different kinds of
sexualities, reading people’s stories and experiences. I learned about the beautiful history of the LGBTQ+ community; I read the stories of all the talented and amazing queer celebrities that used their voices to promote change. I also learned about the darker side of LGBTQ+ history. I learned about the hatred, the
discrimination, the denial of basic rights just because of
someone’s sexuality or gender identity, and that terrified me. I was quick to accept that I wasn’t straight. That yes, maybe the label “bisexual” would work for me. But as I learned that someone could hate me without knowing anything else about me, just because of my sexuality, all I wanted to do was hide. For months I tried to balance the desire to be out and proud about my
sexuality and the fear of how my family and friends would treat me. Being in love with my straight best friend didn’t help either, but again, that seems to come with the territory. I dropped hints every so often, trying to figure out if it was safe for me to come out. Eventually, I couldn’t hide it any longer. So after school I pulled my best friend aside, the same one I was in love with, and I came out to her. It felt like a weight off my chest and suddenly I understood what those people were talking about in their stories. It really is a relief to come out. And when I came out to my
parents in a heated argument seven months later, I felt the same relief after they didn’t kick me out. We still don’t really talk about it, but that’s enough for me. Now, my sexuality is something I choose to be open about. Being openly queer at Marshall has never caused me any problems, and I consider myself extremely lucky that I am surrounded by an accepting and tolerant
community.